Last Friday, I went to a hockey game. I spent most of it talking to my friends, and didn't fully pay attention until we went into overtime. And then I was clinging to the edge of my seat (actually, I'm pretty sure I was trying to maintain my balance on the bleacher I was standing on) while they had a shootout. We won that one too.
I also have a penchant for dramatic television shows. I used to watch a lot of Degrassi (like, back in middle school). I went through a phase of watching Desperate Housewives, I've seen a lot of Criminal Minds and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. I just recently started watching The Vampire Diaries (and even more recently decided I need to quit watching it). Sometimes I like America's Next Top Model, I used to watch Hell's Kitchen, and I had a thing for Cake Boss for a while too (you know, they have their family drama). But all of these shows are kind of pointless. Only a couple of them have a decent plot. ALL of them are fraught with sin and swear words. Most of them are hour-long shows. And I've gone through phases of watching hours upon hours of a couple of them.
What's my point? My point is that I think I like me some drama. I think I like me some excitement. I mean, doesn't life feel so much more interesting when your adrenaline is pumping and you're slightly scared for someone's life (or maybe just someone's unguarded goal)? Yes. Yes it does feel that way. And I think maybe some of this penchant for emotion and drama has carried over into my walk with God.
I think that almost every Christian (if not every Christian) has this idea that he or she needs to feel something in order to believe that God is present and active. But feelings don't equal knowledge. In fact, most philosophers believe that senses are a really bad way to validate anything. It's all about circular reasoning and blah-de-blah. Rabbit trails. But seriously, how many times do you go through ups and downs? And how many times do you face serious doubts during those downs?
I'm pretty sure I can flip-flop like it's my job. One day I'm rocking the good-feeling Christian vibe. The next day, I'm burned out before it's even eight o'clock. What's with the inconsistency? Do my feelings mean that God isn't totally, completely, 100% constant? Absolutely not. And, I don't really know the answer to the inconsistency question...(if I did, I probably wouldn't even be writing about this). But I do KNOW that my feelings don't dictate reality. Emotions simply provide a skewed reflection of the truth. And sometimes it's so skewed that there might not even be any truth left.
Feelings and drama and excitement just aren't every day occurrences Sure, there might be a little burst of excitement every day, but imagine living in a constant state of excitement. Your heart would explode. Your fight-or-flight mechanism would drive you to an asylum. Your face would be bright red and hot all the time. Your armpits would be sweating nonstop, and your body odor would be through the roof. There would be goosebumps all over you. You would never get any sleep, but you probably wouldn't even notice how tired you were because you would be so keyed up. It would be sheer madness. Absolute, complete, utter insanity.
And that's why we don't live like that. That's why we can't. That's why we (and by we, I mean me) need to understand that emotions aren't everything. Emotions aren't truth. Emotions aren't reality. Emotions are the color inside the lines - sometimes outside of them too. Emotions are the spice. But they are not the main course. They cannot be.
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