Hide and Seek

Oh, the childhood game of Hide and Seek. It was one of my favorites. I always really enjoyed the hiding part. Seeking seemed...exhausting. And sometimes boring. Mostly I just had no idea where to start, and I'm pretty sure I'd give up way too easily. As I'm typing up this description, I'm kind of becoming aware that this may or may not be how my relationship with God is sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean right now).

It's so easy to hide from Him. Okay. I can never actually hide from God. But, you know what I mean. It's easy to shut out the voice in the back of your head saying things like "Have you read your Bible yet today? Should you really be watching this TV show? Is that song the most glorifying thing you can be singing? Is that skirt just a little too short? Are you sure you really need to be eating again?" It's easy to turn off your alarm clock, roll over, and tell yourself you'll read your Bible later in the day. It's easy to say a quick meal-time prayer, a quick goodnight or good morning one, and never actually stop to think about what you're saying. It's easy to cop out.

But I'm finding that the farther I walk with God and the more I know about Him and what He's done for me, the harder it becomes for me to hide. Part of me wants to do some seeking. Or, at least, part of me wants to want that. But then the fallible, human side of me is like "Girl, you're reading your Bible. You're writing in your prayer journal. If God doesn't respond, maybe that's on Him."

And maybe there is a chance that I'm going through one of those quiet times. One of those times when God holds back, when He's not letting me "feel" His presence, when He decides to test my faithfulness or willingness or something else ending with "ness" to see what I'll do. Like when He seemed to just sort of ignore the Israelites for 400 years. Or when He just kind of let Abraham go for a while. He never left. He just held back.

Whether God's holding back (and let me be clear that when I say He's "holding back," I mean that He's not allowing certain things in my life. It's not to say that He's completely withdrawn, wants nothing to do with me, or has abandoned me) or not, I still need to decide if I'm going to hold up my end of the relationship. Am I still willing to make time for Him, even when I don't feel like it? Am I still choosing to love and honor Him, even when I feel like He's just left me? Am I actively pursuing a relationship? Am I legitimately trying to to seek Him? Or am I writing down the right words, praying the right prayers, telling myself everything is okay when I really have no idea?

Am I done hiding? Am I ready to take my turn and seek?

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13 {NASB}