Dramatic enough to get your attention? Good.
Alright so for those of you who didn't go to convo today, I'll fill you in briefly. Mark Gungor came and spoke. He talked about marriage and sex. He is *apparently* a comedian. This is basically what I heard though: "Don't get married. Women are nags. Men have nothing boxes and it's okay if they use them. Frequently. Men like when women ignore them. If you do get married, men will only love you (the woman) if you have sex with them." Awesome, right?
NOT. AWESOME.
This isn't the first time, unfortunately, that I've heard that sex is all men want out of marriage. Or, even, just out of women in general. In fact, I've heard at least two times that I can recall that women need a lot from men, and that men only need sex from women.
Suddenly the human trafficking industry is starting to make a lot more sense... Gross, right?
Let me break it down for ya as it was explained to me earlier today. Women want love from men but the only way they can get that love is by having sex with them. Men want sex from women but the only way they can get that is by loving them. How disturbingly circular. And then, let me tag it on the end as if it might not totally matter (because that's what Mark did) that this is only in the context of marriage.
Great. So, what you're telling me is that the man I love might not actually love me back until we get married and sleep together? Why on earth would I want to marry that man? I wouldn't. Not if he didn't already love me. And what happens in the event that I get marred in some hideous car accident and am no longer able to have sex? Does he stop loving me? That sucks. Yep, definitely still not marrying him.
If all marriage is is a greenlight for sex, count me out. Men, you like when we ignore you? Fine. We'll ignore you. FOREVER. (Part of the reason I'm sounding kind of bitter and angry right now is because of the reaction that my male peers gave when Mark explained that men think they must've done something right when women ignore them. Not cool, guys. THAT is why you're single.) But seriously. If all y'all want is sex and to be left alone, you're going to have to find some other way of getting the sex, because we'll leave you alone. VERY ALONE.
Now that I've gotten my anger and soapboxing out of the way, I'm going to quote my friend and former roommate Caitlin...
"What our generation needs is a fresh perspective on marriage. We don't need older couples who complain about the burdens of marriage or the irritating things their spouses do. We need older couples who give younger generations something to look forward to, a selfless relationship of continual romance. Because I don't intend to marry a lazy man, and I'm sure whoever my husband will be isn't looking to marry a nagging wife. Marriage on earth is a reflection of the Great Romance of Heaven, so let's stop with the insulting generalizations and start lifting one another up and encouraging each other toward beautiful futures that are glorifying to God."
A-freaking-men. Even though I just wrote about how all men only want sex, I know for a fact that that's not true. I've seen my fair share of really solid marriages lived out and I can tell you that there's a lot more that happens between those couples than what goes down in the bedroom. Sure, that plays a pretty significant part in any marriage relationship, but there's a lot more going on in life outside of that.
I refuse to believe that all men enjoy when their wives ignore them because they're angry with them. I imagine that there are a fair few who are quite distressed when the woman they love has been hurt by them. I'm not trying to validate women ignoring people when they're angry, because I admit that that's a terrible way of dealing with problems. But I am trying to point out that that generalization is probably false.
I also refuse to believe that all men only look at women for what they can offer them sexually. What about that is glorifying to God in any way, shape, or form? How is that treasuring your sisters in Christ, or loving them, or respecting them? It's not. Not even close. It would be like me, only ever objectifying guys by just saying "He's so hot. We should make out." and never actually caring how they are as people. That would be complete and total garbage.
Yes, Mark Gungor stated in the beginning that he was going to use generalizations. But that shouldn't justify passing along all those ideas from such a public platform. We don't need to hear that stuff and accept it as fact. Generalizations are, for lack of a better word, crap.
I won't give up on marriage just yet. And I don't think anyone else should either. It was given to us by God as a means to reflect the love He has for us as The Church. But know that if we continue, as a generation, to define it by such shallow terms, we are disgracing that gift. If all marriage is is sex, let's just quit now. If all marriage is is sex, than Mark Gungor was right: It IS better not to be married.
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(Side note: I'm in no way trying to trash Mark Gungor as a person. He did make a few points among all the weird, awkward ones, that were pretty solid. I am not familiar enough with him as a person to make any statements regarding his ministry or work outside of what I heard from him today. Though I was personally not impressed, I do not wish to slander him. If God can make a mule talk, or a dead man rise, or use a girl named Andrea Johnson, I'm not going to doubt that He can use someone like Mark Gungor for the furtherance of His Kingdom. I felt that it was necessary to include this because I do not wish to tear Mark Gungor down, only to question what he said today.)
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